There are many articles out there that list the warning signs of abusive relationships. Control, putting you down, isolating you from friends and family who are no good, getting overly angry about little things, twisting stories to make it seem like your fault or that you didn’t hear properly or misunderstood.
In my experience, these things can take many years to pop up or many years for you to make the connection instead of justifying it away with:
- S/he’s just stressed
- If I had kept my mouth shut it wouldn’t have happened
- I should have listened better so I didn’t misunderstand
- I’ll keep the children quieter next time
Today I’m giving you two warning signs to watch for while you are dating. Two telling signs that will you give you the knowledge and power to make your own decisions early on and then walk away if necessary.
How he talks about his mother and interacts with her on the phone. If his mother is a dumb bitch who never did anything right for him or his siblings or father, that’s a warning sign. If his mother was abused by his father, be very wary, because this is the narrative he’s grown up with. Children who witness DV are more likely to become perpetrators or victims of abuse into the future because this is their lived experience. Not all children of DV become victims/perpetrators but it’s definitely a handy little sign to keep tucked away.
Are all of his ex’s crazy, psycho and sent him insane? If they did, there may be a common denominator here – him. Sometimes we hear stories about other people and make up our minds based on their perception. If we met them in person our own perceptions would be much different. Maybe they were all clinically diagnosed as mentally ill but it’s a sign to be wary of when we’re listening to stories without knowing the truth because after all there are three sides to every story – yours, mine and the truth.
Disclaimer: Women can be perpetrators and men can be victims. My posts reflect my own lived experienced of a male abuser/female victim dynamic.