What can you do to reduce Domestic Violence?

What can you do to reduce Domestic Violence?

Yes I do think it’s everyone’s responsibility to help prevent and reduce Domestic and Family Violence.

How do you do that?

🔹 By educating yourself on what abusive and controlling behaviours are.

🔹 Observe your own actions and reactions to better understand your emotions and feelings. It’s ok to feel angry, frustrated, sad, upset, disappointed. Your emotions are valid because they are yours but it is never ok to bully, intimidate, provoke, lash out or degrade someone else because of the way you feel.

🔹 Learn to self regulate your emotions and come up with strategies that work for you instead of lashing out. This could be walking away, spending 5 minutes doing deep breathing, turn the music up and dance. Do anything that makes you feel good and raises your vibration because it is never ok to make someone else feel like garbage because of the way you feel.

🔹 Calling out those who display them especially if they are close friends or family members. Don’t turn a blind eye or develop selective hearing if you witness your brother or sister, cousins or best friend say something mean and derogatory. Tell them it’s not cool. Pull them up on it in a respectful and tactful way to cause them to think about their behaviour.

🔹 Post DV support numbers on your Facebook. You never know who in your friends list is experiencing DV and may hold onto that number ‘just in case’

🔹 Prevention is much easier than healing and therapy later so teach your children about resilience and self esteem and confidence for it is insecure people who degrade and bully another human being in order to make themselves feel better or more superior.

🔹 Teach your children that if they feel a tight uncomfortable feeling in their belly’s in response to something someone has said or done that it’s their body’s instinct and gut feeling. They should pay attention to that and trust it. They can say Stop, I don’t like the way that makes me feel.

🔹 If your child hears someone say Stop, I don’t like the way that makes me feel teach them that they need to respect that and stop the behaviour. They don’t get to assume how it makes someone feel or determine that person is just sensitive and over reacting. They need to stop. Period.

🔹 Offer non-judgemental support to anyone who opens up to you. You may not be a professional but you can be caring and supportive. Pass on numbers and local support services. Understand that leaving isn’t easy, in fact it is often the most dangerous time in a relationship for a victim and their children.

And always remember that you are important, you are enough and you can make a difference 💜

What is Financial Abuse?

What is Financial Abuse?

Financial abuse is where one person attempts to control the household finances to the detriment of a spouse.

One person may restrict another person’s access to money or their means of earning money.

It is not common to see on its own but rather it occurs simultaneously as other forms of abuse (physical, verbal, mental).

Financial abuse is not “S/he holds onto my keycard because I’ve lost it 3 times so far this year!” or “I’ll have to check with my partner before I make that big ticket purchase” or “Let’s go through the budget and work out what we’ve got left after the bills…..so we’ve got $50 surplus for you to go to the markets/dinner with friends/movies this weekend”

Financial abuse sounds like:

What did you buy for $9.95 at 11.14 this morning? I thought we discussed you wouldn’t buy anything without checking with me first?

“You don’t need to get a job. I need you to stay at home for me. I’ll support you. Don’t stress about it.”

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about complicated things. I’ll take care of all the bills, cheques, statements and income because I love you so much.”

“You should tell me your PIN number and bank passwords since we’re official now. That’s what couples who love each other do. It’s about trust and respect.”

“Do you really need another packet of pads, razors, deodrant, panadol, socks?”

“Here’s your allowance for this week. Make sure you keep the receipts so I know where it’s going.”

Financial abuse feels like:

Needing permission before spending anything, even a couple of dollars.

Mentally adding up every dollar in the grocery store so you don’t spend too much.

Going without your own little luxuries or even essentials because it usually causes a problem.

Denying you access to your own money and refusing to give you any for food, medical care and essentials.

It is using your credit cards or accounts without your permission or hiding your car keys so you can’t get to work, harassing you at work to get you fired or accusing you of cheating with a colleague so you stop wanting to go.

What else do you know of?

Life after Domestic Violence

Life after Domestic Violence

While you’re living in fear, being controlled, degraded, assaulted, abused and isolated it can feel like a hell that will never end. Domestic Violence presents physical, emotional and mental pain that changes who you are and changes who you were going to be. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

I’m out now. I’m 7 years out after being in my relationship for 14 years. And the biggest mistake I made was thinking my life would be ‘normal’ once I left. There is nothing normal about my life as I know it now. But it certainly isn’t the hell that I once endured.

Acceptance

I had to learn to accept what I lived. It happened. It was done. I couldn’t change it. Ever. I had to understand and fully accept that it wasn’t my fault nor did it have to define me. I was free to choose what happened next and what to write in my next chapter. I could make different choices on how I wanted to live my life. And then followed through with those new choices because I accepted that I could.

Professional help

Over the years I’ve engaged counsellors, psychologists, doctors, alternative practitioners, medication and lots and lots of personal development reading and support. It has been imperative in my healing journey that I spoke out loud to professionals. Not to relive my past or the traumatic events in detail but to help me gain perspective and gather my thought processes together. To help me learn and develop strategies to calm my negative thoughts, to ground myself, to be mindful and present. I allowed others to support me and hold space for me while I activated my own healing mechanisms and processes.

Healing

I had to be proactive about my healing. I had to do the work. I continue to do the work. I meditate, write, journal, rest, read, listen to my body and my inner guidance. I walk barefoot on the Earth, I exercise, I drink water. I practise self-care by booking massages and getting my hair done. I try not to feel guilty or shame myself if I eat ‘bad’ food. I say no when I need to. I take steps back from negative and toxic people around me to protect my own energy. I do what’s best for me, most of the time. I acknowledge it’s a never ending journey and I remind myself that the joy is in the journey rather than the destination.

Share your story

Silence hides violence.Tell your story. Write your story. Help yourself by helping someone else. People think they’re alone until they hear about someone else’s story. You could make a real difference and help change someone’s life by sharing your own story. You could make another human being feel seen and heard. You could spark their own power to get help and begin their healing journey. You could inspire someone else to tell their own story. There is power in the spoken word. There is great power in telling your story and being heard.

Through my acceptance, professional help, healing and sharing my story I have grown confidence and self worth I never thought I’d ever have. There is a peace and happiness inside that I never knew was possible. And I’m so grateful to be alive to use my voice and tell my story..

Fearing a parents spite

Fearing a parents spite

The day I called the police for the last time during our relationship was the day he was charged with Intimidation and I was granted an interim AVO.

It was the day I decided I wanted to leave my relationship alive instead of in a body bag.

My AVO included not approaching me, contacting me or coming within 200 metres of my home and workplace.

At first my children didn’t have any contact with him. I was beyond scared and I needed to process what I’d been through and how I was going to live safely and move forward.

After a short period of time there were phone calls, and I allowed them, because I didn’t want to stop contact or hinder the relationship. He was their Dad after all.

I would leave the room because I didn’t want to hear his voice and he often asked them when they were coming to visit him. I never gave them definite answer to begin with because I was nervous, scared and worried that something might happen to them to spite me.

It’s a thing. Parents sometimes do things to spite the other parent. Both genders are guilty. None of it is right.

But I did keep them away to begin with because the fear was real to me.

My son said to me one day “I don’t want to talk to Dad anymore” and when I asked why he replied “Because all he does is ask about you, he doesn’t even want to know about me”

Because I would leave the vicinity of the phone I never heard their father ask my children how I was, if I was seeing anyone, if anyone had come over, when I was going out, what I was doing and the questions were obviously enough that my young son picked up on it.

When I wanted to take them on a cruise into International waters their Dad refused to sign their passports. As the departure date drew near with no sign of a passport resolution I got my kids to call him and ask why as a final desperate exasperated plea.

He told them to put me on the phone and not realising he was on speaker said “Do you want to know why I won’t sign their passports? Because if they don’t go then you don’t get to go” and hung up.

My children were devastated and it was in that moment that my worry of his level of spite felt valid.

It’s been over 7 years since the day I left and my children see their father when they choose to. I never stopped them from seeing him completely but there were times I didn’t agree to a school holiday visit because of circumstances involving drugs, violence and other undesirable events at the house that I was made aware of.

The feeling is less and less now that they’re older but was I worried he would hurt them to spite me when they visited?

Every. Single. Time.

Children of Domestic Violence. They know.

Children of Domestic Violence. They know.

I always thought I was hiding the arguments, my crying, the tension, bruises and marks from my children in the beginning.

They were too young, right?

They didn’t understand, right?

It hurts less when we think they don’t know or don’t understand.

I’d convinced myself of that.

When my ex pushed a knife towards me with my young son laying next to me in the bed I was certain he was asleep.

He didn’t move.

He didn’t flinch so he had to have been asleep.

I even wrote about the incident in my book maintaining that he was asleep.

After a family psychology session a few months ago he said quietly to me

“You know how you always thought I was asleep when Dad had the knife? I was awake. I pretended I was asleep. I remember it.” 😢

They know more than we realise.

They feel more than we think.

They understand more than we know.

Why I Stayed and where to buy it

Why I Stayed and where to buy it

True story of a Domestic Violence relationship. I once believed the only way I’d get out of my relationship was in a body bag. I wrote this book to assist my healing and to answer the question I was asked most often “Why did you stay for so long?” I hope to create awareness of abusive relationships by telling my story of how it began, why I stayed for as long as I did and what I had to do to start the healing process. It is my vision to educate some and give hope to others. This is proof that there is life after Domestic Violence

Here are some direct links or there’s an option to buy direct from me if you’re in Australia – no additional postage costs, no waiting times.

https://m.barnesandnoble.com/s/Why+I+stayed+lisa+Lee

https://www.angusrobertson.com.au/books/why-i-stayed-lee-lisa/p/9781925993219?zsrc=go-nons&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI2sjaqpe45AIVgwsrCh38sg2WEAQYASABEgJVgfD_BwE

https://www.booktopia.com.au/why-i-stayed-lee-lisa/book/9781925993219.html

Or if you’re in Australia you can buy direct from me for AUD$15 and I’ll post it same day to you

https://www.paypal.com/webapps/shoppingcart?flowlogging_id=c150a64f427c0&mfid=1567635133808_c150a64f427c0#/checkout/openButton

Thank you for supporting the awareness of DV and empowerment for life after.

How to co-parent with an abuser and/or narcissist.

How to co-parent with an abuser and/or narcissist.

Children and shared custody after a mutual separation with an amicable ex-spouse can still be difficult sometimes. But with an abuser and/or narcissist it can quickly become your worst nightmare. Here are several ways to safeguard yourself and your interactions.

Your children’s best interests come first. This might be supervised visits, it might be allowing your children to make their own decision if they don’t want contact but it must be your child’s unbiased decision. If your children do want a relationship with both of their parents then it’s essential to be smart and put some guidelines into place.

Your relationship with your ex and how you feel is not the same as your children’s relationship with their parent and how they feel. Tread carefully when talking about your ex. Nothing negative. No coaching. No instilling thoughts. Your children will have their own memories that they are still processing. It is absolutely okay to engage honestly in a child led conversation but any conversation that begins with “Do you remember that time when…” is best left right alone.

If you don’t have court orders and feel they are a necessity, make an appointment with a legal advisor today. And then, follow the court orders. It is always best to follow the conditions on your court orders to the letter which includes drop off/pick up times, location and by whom. You may ask certain people (such as family members) to be excluded from the change over. If you let a little detail slide here and there you open yourself up to the conditions being disregarded and your ex playing games by being late or bringing along an extra person. “But you changed the location a month ago” is what you’ll hear instead of “I’m sorry I brought Y along despite the court order. I won’t do it again”. This is more about control and power coming into effect and the implications for later on down the track.

If an urgent issue arises such as your child disclosing something or becoming distressed leading up to a change over please seek urgent police and legal advice before making the decision to just not show up. That could quickly turn into a child abduction order.

Write down everything. EVERYTHING. It might feel like a chore to add to your day but you’ll be so grateful you did if you ever do need it in court. Conversations, what he said and she said will matter. Dates and times are essential. Facts only. If it’s not possible to write it down straight away while the memory is fresh, record it in your voice memos or on video until you can transcribe it. Whichever way you choose to do it, if you are dealing with an abuser please, please, please keep records and write it all down.

Devise a safe word or a safe phrase that you and your children can use when assistance is needed. Use something really easy and general so as not to arouse suspicion and heighten any emotions. Something like “Hey, on your way back from the shops could you grab me a Mars Bar?” If you hear your children use this phrase, call the police. If you are doing a drop off or a pick up and you message a friend with that, they will know to call the police. The key is to protect yourself and have a safety plan in place.

The most important thing to remember is that you can’t control their actions and words but you can control your own reactions and words. It’s hard but try not to buy into nasty remarks or emotionally driven comments. An abuser wants to see your reaction. They derive joy from you being flustered, upset or feeling like you’re going crazy. Try to remain calm, don’t enter into any non-child specific conversation and if you don’t feel grounded enough to do drop offs and pick ups ask for the courts to add a condition that someone else goes in your place, someone else goes in your ex’s place or someone neutral is involved instead.

And always, always remember that you are so much more than the way you’ve been made to feel and the words that have been used to hurt you. Stay safe.

What can you achieve in 7 years?

What can you achieve in 7 years?

Yesterday was 7 years since I’d left my husband, the father of my kids and the only life I’d ever known. I needed an AVO and police intervention after years of domestic violence including verbal and physical abuse. When I left him I luckily had a lot of support around me but I had zero self esteem and had no idea how I would manage life as a single mum after being with him since I was 15.

In the last 7 years I have been raising 5 kids by myself and doing a pretty good job. They’re all good kids and I take all the credit for it.

I’ve taken them to the snow, on several cruises, on their 1st overseas trip and across NSW camping and fourbying. We’re roadtripping to Uluru in a few months too!

I go to school events, footy games, netball carnivals, take them moto riding and love them fiercely.

I got divorced, finalised property settlement, worked my ass off and sacrificed a lot to buy my exhusband out and keep the house to give my children security and stability. I then renovated the house, sold the house and moved down the coast in search of a better life for us. We found it. It’s gorgeous down here.

I bought a block of land and moved into our brand new house 12 months ago.

I’ve graduated Uni with a Bachelor of Community Development and currently at Uni studying Law to maintain my employability and ensure our futures.

I self published a book on my DV experience, sold copies around the world and about to start collaborating with a company who shares my vision.

I’ve lost 5 kilos, worked on me and my healing and gained self confidence and self esteem I never imagined I’d ever have. I’ve learned to love who I am, flaws and all, and so damn excited for what the future holds.

I’ve never been happier ❤️

Why Do They Stay?

Why Do They Stay?

This was one of my first posts on Lisa’s Sanctuary. It’s a small insight into why women stay in controlling and abusive relationships long after you think they should have left.

My mission is to create awareness of Domestic Violence and empower young women and men to be the change and make a difference.

Sadly the statistics haven’t changed very much 😞

*****

In Australia, at least one woman is killed by a current partner or ex-partner every week. Every single week. So if these men are capable of such violence, why do women stay? Such an easy question to ask, not so easy to answer. Women stay with violent and abusive men for a range of reasons and unless you’ve been there, you just can’t understand.

Relationships rarely begin with a display of verbal abuse, shoving, hitting and controlling behaviour. It’s something that creeps up over time. To begin with women are made to feel like they’re making it up or blowing it out of proportion “I never said it like that, you’re hearing things” and “Do you really believe I would do/say something like that? Wow, you mustn’t know me at all.” The verbal abuse continues either bluntly or subtly for a while before the first physical incident occurs and he’s so unbelievably sorry, it’ll never happen again and he’s so sweet and attentive. She believes him. She so badly wants to believe him. After all, she never knew he was capable of physically striking her so it has to be a once off due to all of the stress he’s under.She’s in love with him. He was amazing in the beginning. “He used to take me out to dinner, buy me flowers, tell me how beautiful I looked so where has this telling me what I can and can’t wear come from? He never acted like that in the beginning.” It becomes a strange concept to grapple with. A man who abuses, controls and isolates his partner didn’t begin his relationship that way. Denial plays its part because it’s hard to understand where his new persona has come from. Maybe it’s just stress? He has been working hard lately, maybe his boss is giving him a hard time? She makes excuses trying to explain his change in behaviour. She’s trying to give meaning to who he has become. She’ll just try and keep the peace, try and make him more comfortable, go about her day and hope things go back to normal, that he goes back to normal. But this is his new normal now unfortunately.By the time she identifies that she is experiencing verbal, emotional, sexual and/or physical abuse she may have been deliberately isolated “I don’t know why you want to go and see her. She’s a whore” and “I can’t believe you’re friends with someone like that” or a blunt statement “I don’t like her and I don’t want you to hang out with her anymore.”Either she pulls back from her support network or they just drift away as her relationship takes a different course. Well meaning friends might gently persuade her that what she’s experiencing isn’t right and tell her to leave but if that causes her shame she’ll stop answering the phone and make excuses to skip social occasions. She wants to avoid any shame, embarrassment, pity and finger pointing at all costs. A lot of her energy goes into getting through the day and home on her own feels safer.Her family may be bolder and call him out on his behaviour. Arguments occur, conflict arises and he forbids her from seeing her disrespectful family members or tells her she must choose. He’s her partner, they share a house together, he’s the father of her children and she can’t take their Dad away from them. She has limited options. She chooses him for the sake of her children and for peace. Short lived peace though.As the arguing continues and intensifies the control tightens and the name calling and vitriol occurs more frequently. Even a strong woman becomes quite downtrodden when she is constantly referred to as dumb, fat, ugly, nagging, bitch, slut, stupid. It’s hard not to let words affect your self esteem and eat into your soul. She begins to believe him. She feels useless, worthless and she doesn’t think she can do anything right.Everything seems so overwhelming. Leaving becomes too hard to a worn down woman because where does she go? Family members have offered their support in the past but how can she uproot her children from their bedrooms and home and cram them into a small shared space with family? He’s already told her that he’s not leaving, if she doesn’t like it then she has to be the one to leave. She may or may not be working but she’s always shared the finances and the costs of the house and the children with him. She doesn’t have the means to continue the same lifestyle and pay mortgage/rent on her own. Finances play a big part in if women stay or leave. Statistics show a large number of women will return to an abusive relationship purely for financial support for their children.Maybe she has reached out before. Maybe she wasn’t believed because he’s such a model citizen, he’s a great friend who helps everyone when he can and he’s so charming, nice, helpful….are you sure you didn’t provoke him? Maybe he’s just under a lot of stress? She just got shut down and she won’t mention it again now.She also hopes he will change, that it is just a phase because she knows the man he was when they met, the man he can be. She prays he finds himself again and they can go back to being a loving couple and a loving, happy family.A lot of women hear threats of harm. He’ll threaten to keep the children from her if she leaves, threaten to harm their pets or family members, threaten to self harm and threaten to hunt her down and kill her if she does dare to leave. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors and she has no idea if he is really capable of following out his threats. Does she want to find out?The most dangerous time for a woman living in an abusive relationship is when she’s planning to leave or just after she’s left. It’n not as simple as just walking out the door and leaving. Many will look over their shoulders and tense up every time the phone rings for years to come. Many struggle mentally for the rest of their lives. They have experienced trauma and develop post traumatic stress disorder. Some won’t make it. Women don’t just become safe when they leave the relationship. They are killed by their ex-partners or their demons get the better of them and they take their own lives to escape the pain.She stays for lots of reasons. Many you can’t comprehend unless you’ve been there.
‘Why I Stayed’ is my personal account of a domestic violence relationship. It takes you through my life, the beginning, why I stayed, how I left and the healing I’ve done since then. It can be purchased by download the Kindle app to your device and buying it here:
https://www.amazon.com/Why-I-Stayed-Lisa-Lee/dp/1549551345If you are in an abusive relationship and want to get out, get in contact with a local support organisation or ring a national helpline for advice, make a plan, assess your safety and remain vigilant, find your support network, engage help.If you have left an abusive relationship and are struggling, please get in contact with your local support agencies – that’s what they’re there for, reach out, find a counsellor, love yourself and know that there is life after domestic violence.

Why Do They Stay?

Why Do They Stay?

In Australia, at least one woman is killed by a current partner or ex-partner every week. Every single week. So if these men are capable of such violence, why do women stay? Such an easy question to ask, not so easy to answer. Women stay with violent and abusive men for a range of reasons and unless you’ve been there, you just can’t understand.

Relationships rarely begin with a display of verbal abuse, shoving, hitting and controlling behaviour. It’s something that creeps up over time. To begin with women are made to feel like they’re making it up or blowing it out of proportion “I never said it like that, you’re hearing things” and “Do you really believe I would do/say something like that? Wow, you mustn’t know me at all.” The verbal abuse continues either bluntly or subtly for a while before the first physical incident occurs and he’s so unbelievably sorry, it’ll never happen again and he’s so sweet and attentive. She believes him. She so badly wants to believe him. After all, she never knew he was capable of physically striking her so it has to be a once off due to all of the stress he’s under.

She’s in love with him. He was amazing in the beginning. “He used to take me out to dinner, buy me flowers, tell me how beautiful I looked so where has this telling me what I can and can’t wear come from? He never acted like that in the beginning.” It becomes a strange concept to grapple with. A man who abuses, controls and isolates his partner didn’t begin his relationship that way. Denial plays its part because it’s hard to understand where his new persona has come from. Maybe it’s just stress? He has been working hard lately, maybe his boss is giving him a hard time? She makes excuses trying to explain his change in behaviour. She’s trying to give meaning to who he has become. She’ll just try and keep the peace, try and make him more comfortable, go about her day and hope things go back to normal, that he goes back to normal. But this is his new normal now unfortunately.

By the time she identifies that she is experiencing verbal, emotional, sexual and/or physical abuse she may have been deliberately isolated “I don’t know why you want to go and see her. She’s a whore” and “I can’t believe you’re friends with someone like that” or a blunt statement “I don’t like her and I don’t want you to hang out with her anymore.”

Either she pulls back from her support network or they just drift away as her relationship takes a different course. Well meaning friends might gently persuade her that what she’s experiencing isn’t right and tell her to leave but if that causes her shame she’ll stop answering the phone and make excuses to skip social occasions. She wants to avoid any shame, embarrassment, pity and finger pointing at all costs. A lot of her energy goes into getting through the day and home on her own feels safer.

Her family may be bolder and call him out on his behaviour. Arguments occur, conflict arises and he forbids her from seeing her disrespectful family members or tells her she must choose. He’s her partner, they share a house together, he’s the father of her children and she can’t take their Dad away from them. She has limited options. She chooses him for the sake of her children and for peace. Short lived peace though.

As the arguing continues and intensifies the control tightens and the name calling and vitriol occurs more frequently.  Even a strong woman becomes quite downtrodden when she is constantly referred to as dumb, fat, ugly, nagging, bitch, slut, stupid. It’s hard not to let words affect your self esteem and eat into your soul. She begins to believe him. She feels useless, worthless and she doesn’t think she can do anything right.

Everything seems so overwhelming. Leaving becomes too hard to a worn down woman because where does she go? Family members have offered their support in the past but how can she uproot her children from their bedrooms and home and cram them into a small shared space with family? He’s already told her that he’s not leaving, if she doesn’t like it then she has to be the one to leave. She may or may not be working but she’s always shared the finances and the costs of the house and the children with him. She doesn’t have the means to continue the same lifestyle and pay mortgage/rent on her own. Finances play a big part in if women stay or leave. Statistics show a large number of women will return to an abusive relationship purely for financial support for their children.

Maybe she has reached out before. Maybe she wasn’t believed because he’s such a model citizen, he’s a great friend who helps everyone when he can and he’s so charming, nice, helpful….are you sure you didn’t provoke him? Maybe he’s just under a lot of stress? She just got shut down and she won’t mention it again now.

She also hopes he will change, that it is just a phase because she knows the man he was when they met, the man he can be. She prays he finds himself again and they can go back to being a loving couple and a loving, happy family.

A lot of women hear threats of harm. He’ll threaten to keep the children from her if she leaves, threaten to harm their pets or family members, threaten to self harm and threaten to hunt her down and kill her if she does dare to leave. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors and she has no idea if he is really capable of following out his threats. Does she want to find out?

The most dangerous time for a woman living in an abusive relationship is when she’s planning to leave or just after she’s left. It’n not as simple as just walking out the door and leaving. Many will look over their shoulders and tense up every time the phone rings for years to come. Many struggle mentally for the rest of their lives. They have experienced trauma and develop post traumatic stress disorder. Some won’t make it. Women don’t just become safe when they leave the relationship. They are killed by their ex-partners or their demons get the better of them and they take their own lives to escape the pain.

She stays for lots of reasons. Many you can’t comprehend unless you’ve been there.
‘Why I Stayed’ is my personal account of a domestic violence relationship. It takes you through my life, the beginning, why I stayed, how I left and the healing I’ve done since then. It can be purchased by download the Kindle app to your device and buying it here:
https://www.amazon.com/Why-I-Stayed-Lisa-Lee/dp/1549551345

If you are in an abusive relationship and want to get out, get in contact with a local support organisation or ring a national helpline for advice, make a plan, assess your safety and remain vigilant, find your support network, engage help.

If you have left an abusive relationship and are struggling, please get in contact with your local support agencies – that’s what they’re there for, reach out, find a counsellor, love yourself and know that there is life after domestic violence.