I always thought I was hiding the arguments, my crying, the tension, bruises and marks from my children in the beginning.
They were too young, right?
They didn’t understand, right?
It hurts less when we think they don’t know or don’t understand.
I’d convinced myself of that.
When my ex pushed a knife towards me with my young son laying next to me in the bed I was certain he was asleep.
He didn’t move.
He didn’t flinch so he had to have been asleep.
I even wrote about the incident in my book maintaining that he was asleep.
After a family psychology session a few months ago he said quietly to me
“You know how you always thought I was asleep when Dad had the knife? I was awake. I pretended I was asleep. I remember it.” 😢
They know more than we realise.
They feel more than we think.
They understand more than we know.
True story of a Domestic Violence relationship. I once believed the only way I’d get out of my relationship was in a body bag. I wrote this book to assist my healing and to answer the question I was asked most often “Why did you stay for so long?” I hope to create awareness of abusive relationships by telling my story of how it began, why I stayed for as long as I did and what I had to do to start the healing process. It is my vision to educate some and give hope to others. This is proof that there is life after Domestic Violence
Here are some direct links or there’s an option to buy direct from me if you’re in Australia – no additional postage costs, no waiting times.
Or if you’re in Australia you can buy direct from me for AUD$15 and I’ll post it same day to you
Thank you for supporting the awareness of DV and empowerment for life after.
After living for an extended period of time in an abusive, volatile and toxic relationship you muster the courage, enact the plan and make the decision to leave. To be free of the abuse and violence. To stop walking on eggshells. To try and remember who you are deep inside. We know it’s the right decision, the best decision to make but are often overwhelmed by the love we still have and feel for our abusers. It can be troubling, upsetting and cause you to rethink your choices and your decision to leave.
Was it really that bad? Did I overreact? How much did I really contribute? Should I go back? Could we make it work?
All valid questions. Only you can answer them honestly. But here are some other questions that may help you out.
Do you love who he is or do you love who he was when you first met?
Do you love him or do you love the idea of him? The idea of being in a relationship. The idea of having someone to come home to. The idea of travelling this journey with your partner in crime?
Do you love him or do you wish your children lived with both parents in a complete family?
Do you love him or are you just questioning your foggy and traumatised headspace?
It’s okay to feel love for someone who you shared a big part of your life with. The person you created a family with. The person you imagined a beautiful future with.
What’s not okay is being made to feel worthless. Being called names. Walking on eggshells. Living in fear.
What’s not okay is being kicked or slapped, pushed or choked.
What’s not okay is not feeling like you are equal partners in your relationship. Like what you say doesn’t matter.
What’s not okay is leaving your children without a mother when he accidentally or deliberately goes too far.
And after all of that, if you still truly love him, you need to learn to love you more. Before love kills you.