Lisa – Domestic Violence Expert and Advocate

Lisa – Domestic Violence Expert and Advocate

My name is Lisa and I am the founder of Lisa’s Sanctuary – DV awareness, support and hope. I am an expert and advocate of DV and have a vision to guide people from a victim mentality to a survivor mindset.

I have refrained from referring to myself as an expert because who am I to be an expert in this field? Who am I to share my knowledge and profess to know so much?

The fact is though, I am an expert and it’s time I believed in myself and my ability to help.

I have a lived experience of DV. I once believed the only way out of my relationship was in a body bag. But here I am, 7 1/2 years later, living a life of peace and freedom, confidence and self-worth to remind you all that there is life after DV.

I am currently enrolled in a Graduate Diploma of Domestic and Family Violence Practice where I’m delving more into the theories, responses, interventions, definitions of DV and all of the associated abuse. I see myself and my abuser in these theories and definitions. Knowledge is power.

I escaped my DV relationship with my life but with no self-confidence, self-esteem or self-worth. I was in a victim mentality for some time. I continued to prove to my abuser in unhealthy ways that I was enough. But none of it was very satisfying.

Over the years, I have gained all of that and then some. I am living a life that I deserve because I am worthy of it. I truly believe that. And that’s what I want to help others do. To guide people from a victim mentality to a survivor mindset.

What is Financial Abuse?

What is Financial Abuse?

Financial abuse is where one person attempts to control the household finances to the detriment of a spouse.

One person may restrict another person’s access to money or their means of earning money.

It is not common to see on its own but rather it occurs simultaneously as other forms of abuse (physical, verbal, mental).

Financial abuse is not “S/he holds onto my keycard because I’ve lost it 3 times so far this year!” or “I’ll have to check with my partner before I make that big ticket purchase” or “Let’s go through the budget and work out what we’ve got left after the bills… we’ve got $50 surplus for you to go to the markets/dinner with friends/movies this weekend”

Financial abuse sounds like:

What did you buy for $9.95 at 11.14 this morning? I thought we discussed you wouldn’t buy anything without checking with me first?

“You don’t need to get a job. I need you to stay at home for me. I’ll support you. Don’t stress about it.”

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about complicated things. I’ll take care of all the bills, cheques, statements and income because I love you so much.”

“You should tell me your PIN number and bank passwords since we’re official now. That’s what couples who love each other do. It’s about trust and respect.”

“Do you really need another packet of pads, razors, deodrant, panadol, socks?”

“Here’s your allowance for this week. Make sure you keep the receipts so I know where it’s going.”

Financial abuse feels like:

Needing permission before spending anything, even a couple of dollars.

Mentally adding up every dollar in the grocery store so you don’t spend too much.

Going without your own little luxuries or even essentials because it usually causes a problem.

Denying you access to your own money and refusing to give you any for food, medical care and essentials.

It is using your credit cards or accounts without your permission or hiding your car keys so you can’t get to work, harassing you at work to get you fired or accusing you of cheating with a colleague so you stop wanting to go.

What else do you know of?